Get your own DDD: THE NATURAL PLAYBOYS-style custom portrait!

$40 gets you a still portrait! Absolutely gorgeous! Looks just like you, or your lover, or your pet, or your favorite fictional character! We will draw pretty much anything as long as it doesn't land us in jail or make us look like some kind of evil sickie.

$69 for animated portraits! They're just like the still portraits but they blink and maybe sniffle or spit or smoke! There are many things that can be done in animation and not all of them are bodily functions so use your imaginations and think of something you want to see move and we can make it work!

You can also prove you're a real deal high roller by dropping $200 in our lap to appear as a caller in DDD: THE NATURAL PLAYBOYS! You will speak on the telephone to Laura D., the #1 celeb in Miami South: The NEW Hollywood! She will probably say horrible things about you, but I bet you'll enjoy every second of it! This also nets you an animated portrait! This is history's greatest value and you'd be a fool to pass it up!

That could be you on the left! That could be you finally getting the recognition you've been longing for your entire miserable life!

Sold? Yes. I'm sure you are. So please email or DM @bachelorsoft on Twitter for further info.